Indigo Nights

It was almost 9 pm

By then, I had been gone for over an hour

I was not okay

The sun had already set but the sky was indigo blue and wasn’t quite pitch black yet

I remember walking down the sidewalk and saw my house

I went up the porch and reached the door and grasped onto the handle but hesitated

I couldn’t go inside

I wasn’t ready to face confinement in my own home

I was still filled with this gray smoke

My stomach was still knotted and I was breathing so hard my throat was dry

My mouth was drier

It felt as if the air had become water

My nails were freshly painted a bright yellow

Ironic

I let go of the handle, stepped away from the door, walked down the porch and went back onto the sidewalk

Down to where the sidewalk splits into two small hills with the huge patch of grass in the middle of them

Jon Bellion was still playing into my headphones

I stood there and could see the open sky through the trees

I sat down right in the middle of the sidewalk, where it splits

And I just stared at the beautiful blue indigo sky

I thought and listened to the music and breathed

I felt a tiny part of the gray feeling being replaced by yellow

I thought I could bring you here someday

Experience this beauty with me

But I knew I couldn’t stay there all night

It was getting darker by the minute

I stood, exhaled and walked home

My hands were still shaking

And this time, when I reached the door, I walked inside.