Love/hate

I love when I’m sad

Because I know that being sad isn’t okay

But somehow, someway I will be okay

If it isn’t today I’ll be okay someday

And I’ll be so happy

Even if it lasts for a short while  

I love when I hate myself

Because somebody has to

I love the taste of grapefruit

Even though it’s citrusy and burns my throat

The taste is tart but also sweet

It’s confusing

And I sort of hate it

I love depressing songs  

And poems

That talk about things you aren’t supposed to

Like mental illness

Or hating yourself

I love gloomy days

I love when it rains

It makes me happy

The grey depressing skies

Sunny days make the black inside of me spread more

Gloomy days melt the sadness

I love the color black

Because there is so much depth

And meaning in the color  

It fills the night

Covering every space it touches

And turning everything into silhouettes

It truly is a beautiful thing

Seeing someone in the dark and not being able to see anything but their features

I love the first day of winter

As much as someone who loves the first day of summer

The cold

The white beautiful, sparkling snow covering everything

Roofs, roads, grass

Wearing jeans instead of shorts

And long sleeves and hoodies

instead of short sleeves

Because I feel like closing myself up

Instead of opening

I love when an ending to a book or movie is open ended

Because you can decide the ending

Like if that character dies

Or if that couple stays together

I love when people are broken like me

Because our lives aren’t always perfect

You can’t hide all pain with a smile

I love the preparation instead of the end result

Like thinking of how long it took to paint or draw something

Instead of focusing on the details

I love looking for the metaphors of things

instead of letting them just exist

Like a bright pool in an intense scene could make the scene more peaceful

but maybe it’s just a pool

I love being and feeling alone

Because I can do whatever I want without anyone watching me

Like cry

Or comfortably have panic attacks

And watch stupid Netflix shows that might make me feel better

But love can’t exist without hate

I hate when people greet me with the biggest smile on their face

Because their happiness feels fake

I hate the colors pink, purple, and teal

The colors are too happy and cute

I don’t want to be like every other girl

I want to be different

I hate cheesy Hallmark movies

They’re too.. cheesy and happy

The plot is too predictable

I hate the sun

And summer

It’s way too hot for comfort

The sun shakes you awake every morning

And boredom is a guest I don’t want in my home

I hate comedies

The movie needs a story

A deep meaning

Not an hour and a half of stupidity

I hate the overrated rainbow

All the bright colors that spread across the sky

The grey skies are what make the rain beautiful

I’m scared of lively, hyper dogs

Big dogs that jump on me

I want to get as far away as possible when I see one

Like crawl into a corner in the neighbor’s house

You see

There is peace in the things I love

And chaos in the things I hate