Hangry freshman “Stompers” are taking over the halls (Satire)

They must be stopped.


Kiersten Communal

A group of Freshmen students, acting as “The Stompers”, running down the hall to the cafeteria.

Kiersten Communal, Writer

*All students featured in this article are purely fictional. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.

If you have ever walked (like a normal person) down to the cafeteria at Mead High School, you may have noticed a scary sound heading your way. 

Imagine: it’s your first day at Mead, and the bell rings for lunch. You head down towards the cafeteria to get hot lunch for the first time.

Just before you walk through the doors towards the glorious food, you hear clattering that sounds like a herd of cows behind you. What are those? Footsteps? Why are they so loud?

As you turn around, a group of people zooms past you. The group of girls next to you rolls their eyes, and you hear them whisper, “Typical freshmen.”

The next day the same thing happens. Who are these people? Why do they run?

To answer your question, they are “The Stompers:” a group of freshmen who run down to the cafeteria every. Single. Day. 

Why? Well, let’s ask the leader of the herd. 

Meet Johnny Packer, the leader of “The Stompers.” He says that the herd runs down the hallway to get to the lunch line first and to get past all of the “slow walkers.”

Lots of students are upset/injured because their feet have been getting stomped on when walking. Donald Foot complained in anger that his toe has been broken more times than his heart. “I just want some food, man, but almost every day I have to watch where I put my foot. It’s not fair to my stomach.”

Jack Runnin dropped his chocolate milk when trying to avoid “The  Stompers.” He wasn’t happy and ended up wasting his lunch money.

We don’t know if The Stompers will be doing this all year, but everyone hopes that this daily catastrophe will end soon.