When I first truly grasped the idea and possibility of going into “quarantine,” I was completely ecstatic. I reveled and bathed in my excitement. I knew school could be closed for who-knows-how-long. I imagined spending the days hanging out with friends and sucking up all the time I could.

Little did I know, quarantine would be one of the hardest situations I’ve ever dealt with emotionally. It’s the biggest mental game I’ve ever played. Ever since the long break started, there’s been a large lump in my throat and an unbreakable knot in my stomach.

Before “quarantine” my day to day life was very consistent. I woke up every day knowing almost exactly what the day held for me. I knew what classes I had or who I was going to lunch with. I had a schedule and that daily routine was almost never changed. Until the school closed down.

I was in my room when my parents told me how we wouldn’t be returning to school for quite a long time. I sat on the edge of my bed looking at the almost fitting gray, cloudy sky while anxious and fearful thoughts slowly crept up. I didn’t want to acknowledge those thoughts because what 16-year-old is sad school closed down?

Since that day I’ve had a feeling of longing but for what, I don’t know. That feeling holds me very tightly. Maybe I’m feeling desperate, desperate to escape and break free. There’s a lot of discomfort in every room, filling the house but only I choose to acknowledge it. I feel like I’ve managed to lose sight of myself in all the madness going on.

One night I couldn’t sleep no matter how hard I had tried. Early in the morning, I found myself sitting on a cold concrete step in my backyard, while a calm wind brushed my face. 

I watched the sun slowly rise, painting the sky with orange and yellow. There was some sort of weight lifted off my back, a profound feeling of hope and courage flowed throughout me. I gazed deeply into the stunning morning sky and somehow knew that everything was going to be just fine.