What initiates change? Sometimes, we have to do it for ourselves.
Warm showers and cold feelings
I was lying in my dark room, falling deeper and deeper into a trap I laid for myself. I was chained in shackles placed by my own mind. I was caught in a deep, dark abyss of my own thoughts that intruded and clouded my mind. I was lying on my cold bed for hours as time seemed to drag on and on. I was wasting away in my own self pity and negative thoughts.
Mistakes I had made in my past projected and replayed in my mind like a slideshow. I was imagining past conversations I left in the wrong, wishing I could change them. This self-pity and depression I was feeling acted as an unrelenting force. Every day I would get home and fall right back into this black void I constantly put myself in. I felt as if everything I did was wrong or wasn’t good enough and so I wouldn’t do anything at all.
One night, I felt so tired of feeling so tired. I felt so angry with myself and the seemingly inescapable hole I had put myself into. I was done with being miserable every day. I had a desire to change and grow. That night, I decided to take a warm shower and contemplate where I was headed with my life. As I waited for the shower to slowly warm up, I decided to change the somber and melancholic music that I was so used to hearing. I was fighting the strongest battle I’ve ever had to regain my happiness and self-worth. I couldn’t have picked a better song to get me out of that place. I picked a song I had never heard before and got into the shower.
The warm water on my back started to raise my spirits, then the song started, and it changed my entire mindset. I felt as if I’d broken free from the shackles I’d been chained to for so long. I put my head under the water as it slowly washed over me freeing me from my mental prison I’d been trapped in for too long.
I got out of that shower a different person. I had completely different values, morals, and thoughts about everything. I realized that everything I’m not makes me everything I am. The past mistakes I had made were just that, past mistakes. They don’t define who I am, what defines me is how I learn and grow from those mistakes and thrive. I’m no longer that same person who made those mistakes; it just took me a while to realize that.
Where are they going?: Ana Carrillo
Welcome to The Mav’s Senior Tradition where we highlight our current seniors and discuss where they are headed
Ana Carrillo (‘23) plans on attending Front Range Community College (FRCC) to get her Associate’s in Science. She wants to earn her Phlebotomy Certificate as well as get certified for bartending and work during school.
In 2024, Ana plans to take online courses during summer and fall while traveling the world. Thailand, Bali, and Chile are some of the destinations she’s looking into. One of her dreams is to buy a one way ticket to Brazil and backpack across South America.
Afterwards, she plans to transfer to a university to “pursue [her] interest in the medical field”.
Ana enjoyed going to football games. “Going with friends, having fun, and making the most out of it” was very memorable for her.
Junior year, she received her academic letter, an accomplishment she’s proud of. “It was my first year having [a GPA] higher than a 4.0,” she said.
She enjoyed her AP Language & Composition and English Honors 10 classes because of her love for English. These two classes improved her writing and taught her valuable time management skills.
“A teacher that really formed me throughout high school [was] Ms. Chastain,” Ana said. Ms. Lindsey Chastain – former English teacher and current dean – offered input that strengthened her writing and shaped her academically.
Journalism adviser Ms. Jamie Hedlun has also been impactful for Ana. “She’s a really compassionate person, and I feel like she’s… looked out for me,” she said.
Since freshman year, Ana shared she’s become more confident in herself and her abilities. One thing she feels has really improved is her English. She said, “When I moved here, I [noticed] that accent on me, and I was scared to talk freshman year.”
Ana said throughout the past four years she “became more social and… outgoing” as her English got better. “I got out of my shell,” she added.
She challenged herself with AP and Honors classes and is “proud of getting involved” academically.
For students moving into their senior year, Ana advises “take it seriously and manage your time”. She also started the college process junior year and found it to be really helpful.
We wish Ana luck on this new chapter.
Arizona Lee is a senior, and this is her second year as Editor-in-Chief of The Mav. She enjoys reading, listening to good music, and spending time with friends. She hopes to guide the student newspaper and broadcast this year to continued success.