Sometimes you can’t look back. Sometimes you can’t even look where you’re at right now. The battles and challenges, the hardships and illnesses, the bad relationships and friendship blow ups make us look back, but you can’t stare at them for too long: At least I can’t. 

Looking forward is to have hope, and to have hope is to live.

 “Don’t get your hopes up” is an evil saying. It’s to tell a person, “Hey this could happen, you could get this, we could go there, but don’t get too excited because you’re most likely going to be let down.” That saying is a manipulator, a non-human saying. I’m a 17 year old girl with a life threatening liver disease. All I have is hope—I can’t afford to not get my hopes up.

To have hope is to live. 

I know the reality of things. I know my reality, but hope is my reason for life. I am sick, it is getting worse, there’s no treatment or cure—but I have hope. I could mope in my sorrow and illness, or I could use it—turning my situation into a triumphant story. 

I am sick with a really rare disease, it is sad, it is unexplainable how hard my day to day life is—but I have hope. I have hopes and dreams to be miraculously healed. I hope my story changes lives. I hope my life was worth living.

Some hopes are guaranteed. Those turn into promises. I am promised that I am worthy; I have purpose; I am never alone; I have invincible armor; and I will be brought home to where pain and suffering, sickness and disease, cannot exist. Regardless of what happens to me on earth, I know I am in good hands.

Being sick has taken so much from me, too much, but it will never steal my hope and joy. That is embedded in my soul, written in the stars, and burned into my heart. 

To learn more about Addison’s health issues with PSC Liver Disease click here!