Regret has become a familiar feeling for me in the past few months. It feels that my life only really started just over a year ago, and I feel that I’ve been evolving at the speed of light. With this startling growth, I fear I’ve missed out on opportunities of all kinds. I have so many things and people that I adore and it’s become a great source of fear for me. Where will my life be in a couple of years- or maybe even months?
Maybe two best friends just simply go in different directions, and don’t notice the other wasn’t following right behind them. Maybe one does something unforgivable to the other, and their bond could never be the same. Perhaps not something as grand as an unforgivable act, but rather a small splinter that pulses in your skin until you can’t take it anymore. With the uncertainty of the future, I’ve come to realize that at some point my actions will be hurtful to those I could never imagine hurting. An inevitability I don’t like to think of, but I’m not naive enough to believe it will never happen. All I can do is my best, and when that time comes I can still only do my best to mend the wound I’ve opened.
I could fail horrifically and have a hard life, or maybe I could be successful and live comfortably. There are endless possibilities and questions of the future.
What if I never met three specific people last year? That interaction led to the friend group I have currently, so I know for a fact things would be different. Would I be stuck as an observer just like I was when I first entered high school? Would my summers be wasted away as I sit and wait for something to happen, or would they be more fulfilling than the ones I have now? Would I be as happy? Would I be happier? There are endless possibilities and questions from the past.
I’ve finally been able to speak my mind more this year, but what if I could’ve been a bit louder last year? Said some things I was too scared to say, and freed myself from some of those things I’m still scared to say now.
The fear of failure, I believe, leads to a lot of lost opportunities. We must realize that failure is inevitable, and it helps us become stronger individuals. I often psych myself out of doing things I want to because of the subsequent experiences. So much weight is held in our choices and I think people would benefit from taking some of that weight off. Take risks, be brave, go after things you want, and most importantly try. I still struggle with taking risks but I’m trying to see that sometimes it isn’t as scary as I thought it was.
With my regret of the past and fear of the future, I’ve neglected my present time, and what I can accomplish now. I’ve also lost sense of what I can and can’t control. My failings from the past and potential failings in the future could be altered by my present self. You can’t change the past but being able to see it in another way is just as powerful. Endless possibilities of the present can redefine the past and reshape the future so I ask you; why not now?
