Change was so normal for me, and I grew up with it so often that it didn’t scare me much. My parents joined the military as teens and ended up so far away from what they knew: one in Italy and the other in Korea.
With every move I left behind friends and homes, so when we had to move to our second house in the state of Colorado I expected nothing but the usual.
Dad drove the four of us towards our new home, and on the way we passed this rickety shack in a nearby field – the first landmark I familiarized myself with. We joked that when it fell it would finally be time for us to move again, and we got onto the hard work of moving into a house.
Parents separated, the dog got older and grumpier, rent went up, lost some friends, made new ones, more carpet stains, and a scar on my elbow. Life just kind of went on, like it tends to do.
The shack stood still among all the ruckus, an image to be noted only on occasion with a quick, “Huh, she still hasn’t fallen.”
I drove myself home the other day and passed the, now very rickety, shack. I began to wonder just how long it had been since I first saw it, and just how long it would take to fall.
With age, leaving what I know comes closer. I want to leave at some point but I’m not sure when that will be. I’ve gotten advice from multiple people to leave my hometown, to leave what’s comfortable. In the presence of comfort and familiarity, I learned to fear change.
I wouldn’t pass Bluegrass St. anymore, nor would I know the ins and outs of every path nearby, but I think this reason to stay is equally a reason to leave. I’ll find a new street to know and new paths I could traverse by heart, a local store that I shop at, and neighbors I could get to know. Everything is new until it isn’t – a thought that is quite unprofound. I like “realizing” small things sometimes, even if I knew it all along – it makes me feel more human.
So as I contemplate where to go and what to do, the reasons to leave as fast as I can and the reasons to never, I look at the shack with a bit of frustration. Does it remain standing out of pure will? Out of fear of what comes after?
