Monday, January 29th, nothing short of a miracle occurred when writer Garrett Schroeder actually turned an article he had been writing in.

“I was more than surprised” said class overseer Jamie Hedlun. “He usually just sits there. I actually didn’t think he’d have actual work that he’d actually turn in”. What makes this more of a special occasion is the fact that his last article was turned in last year. “To see one of his articles is like seeing Bigfoot riding a unicorn farting rainbows” said Garrett’s editor, Lucas Hale. He continued, “something like this doesn’t happen every day, I would advise anyone who can to buy a lottery ticket”.

However, some are skeptical. When asked about the legitimacy of the article, editor Jared Overturf said “there’s no possible way it’s real. I sit by him every class, and all he does is listen to music and look at pictures of bugs. If you told me they found the Roswell UFO I’d believe you more.”

Whatever the case is, the newsroom is busier than ever. And if this article does exist, I personally would intend to find it.