Saltburn, released on Nov. 17, 2023, is packed full of an A-list cast. Big names in Hollywood like Jacob Elordi, Rosamund Pike, and Barry Keoghan. With such an exciting lineup, I was disappointed by the overall performance of this movie. Described as a “psychological thriller,” there were many aspects this film lacked.

Emerald Fennell wrote, directed, and produced Saltburn, alongside Margot Robbie and Josey McNamara. Robbie has quite the experience under her belt, producing many popular films such as Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016), Barbie (2023), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), Suicide Squad (2016), and much more. Fennell has been back behind two very successful motion pictures, Saltburn (2023) and Promising Young Woman (2020). I was saddened to see how underwhelming Saltburn was, especially since the producers are well-rounded.

Saltburn brought a whopping $21.3 million to the box office, attracting people from all over the world to see the monstrosity brought to them. After hearing all the talk on social media about this movie, I figured I had to see it. I needed to know what everyone was talking about: the bathtub scene, the egg scene, and the grave scene.

Finally, after two nights of pausing, rewinding, skipping through, and astonishment, I finally understood what everyone meant. I wish I didn’t know what everyone meant.

The rest of this review contains a few small movie spoilers. Reader discretion is advised.

The concept of the film was patchy and confusing. It starts with Oliver, played by Barry Keoghan, starting his time at Oxford College. Shortly after, he meets Felix, played by Jacob Elordi, and falls in love with him. But, apparently, it isn’t love; it’s jealousy and obsession, followed by friendship and fear. Farleigh, played by Archie Madekwe, is introduced as “Felix’s American cousin,” but the family tree is very puzzled and scramble-ey. Oliver and Felix’s relationship can only be described as eerie; Oliver is in love with Felix but also wants his family fortune, but he is also creepily obsessed with him, while Felix acts the same way. Throughout the film, Felix is flirty with everyone but has a special, odd, brotherly connection with Oliver that makes my skin crawl.

Farleigh’s claims about Felix always having someone new over at Saltburn every year made me look at both of their characters differently for the rest of the movie. Farleigh was envious of Felix and Oliver’s attachment to each other but was portrayed in a cringe-worthy manner.

Having sat through two hours of the film, I stay awake at night, praying for those two hours back. I don’t like slow-burning movies, and this was exactly that. The plot took forever to thicken, the character development was weak, and there was not a happy ending.

Saltburn gets a kind 1/10 from me and is categorized as one of my least favorite movies ever.