Trying to choose a faith when all I’ve ever had to go off of are my own morals. Graphic credit to Sabrina Teeters and Leah Parmley.

Editorial note: Welcome to our latest series where our staff explores what faith means to them. This is the first article in what we hope to be a continuing series where students share their diverse experiences when it comes to what they value, where they find meaning, and what means most to them in life. 

They say that having faith will move mountains, but in all honesty, faith for me has been the mountain. The mountain that I just can’t seem to climb over. Now, to start off, I do think it’s important that I set the premise that I don’t hate religion. Religion is not something that I see as an obstacle but rather just a big question that I will never know the answer to.

When asked about my religion, my answer has constantly changed on what I believe in, but also what I felt would help me fit in. And while I do think that having a belief system is crucial in a world full of uncertainty, what happens when the aspects of religion don’t make sense anymore and my questions can’t be answered? Do I keep searching for an answer that I will most likely have to convince myself to believe in, or do I turn away from religion and face logic? What can I keep counting on? Now, I don’t say this to discredit religion, because again, I have no idea what is real, and what is not, but if logic can give me an answer and religion leaves me with more questions… then I guess I’m kind of just stuck?

My problem with religion isn’t exactly the fact that a lot of it can’t be explained, my problem is the people who use it as a way to spread hate or pressure. When asked about my religious beliefs, I would say I’m inbetween. I believe in God, I believe in a higher power and I believe in good faith, but in all honesty, I’m not entirely sure if my belief in good faith is religion or good morals? Where do I make that differentiation?

To me, good faith means holding myself in kindness. I can take these familiar holdings from the example that Jesus has set and so that is what I do. I believe in doing everything in love and I take “love thy neighbor” to heart. But then I am left conflicted. If Jesus stands for love and Christianity is rooted in love, why do I often find hate in those who claim to live by the bible? Why is a religion built on compassion often used to justify cruelty? I know this doesn’t reflect everyone. I have met some amazing Christians and Catholics, but then again, too often, I encounter people who praise the bible and the Lord, yet show no grace towards those who are different. And when confronted with the parts of scripture that they so happen to ignore, suddenly the bible is always up for interpretation. I encounter those people of hate far more than I’d like to admit, and if that’s the face of the Christian/Catholic religion, that’s just not something I want to be associated with— maybe that’s just what this world has come to and it’s not the religion in itself— but nothing’s telling me that it isn’t a mix of both at the very least.

To reinforce this again, I feel I must clarify that I don’t find religion as something that is wrong, but when asked about my religion in the past my answer often changed. You’ll always see me with a cross on my chest, yet internally, an Om symbol in my mind. This isn’t because it’s something that I resonate completely with, since a lot of Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism actually focus on being a part of the universe, and I don’t really see myself as the universe, but I do often find myself in agreement with a lot of its morals—now does that make me hindu? I don’t think so, but then again, I don’t think believing in God makes me Christian, or even Jewish. So am I a good person because that’s just me morally, or am I a good person because I am held in an uncertain faith? I’m not quite sure.

Picking a religion is hard for me for multiple reasons. The first reason being that while I resonate with Christianity, I also pick and choose it, often finding myself resonating with Hinduism. Because I believe in both religions, does that damn me to hell by one? I hope not. But also, is religion geographical? In America, the prime religion is Christianity, but in the Middle East, Islam is the main religion. If Christianity claims to be the right religion, is it? And if so, are the people in the Middle East dammed to internal suffering because they didn’t get lucky and end up in the western hemisphere? Does religion geographically reinforce a stronger race because some go to heaven and some stay Islamic? That doesn’t seem right.

I don’t think I’ll ever end this article, and maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that’s a bad thing, but from now on, when I’m asked about my religion, I’ll say that I’m everything. I am love. I am love from Christianity, but I am also love from Hinduism. I am the acceptance of both, and I am everything in between. I am my own religion. Am I blasphemous for that? I don’t know, but I hope I get some clarity soon. For now, I am just me. Maybe I’ll figure it out. Maybe I won’t.