To start, I don’t have crazy testimony. This doesn’t change the fact that I am still saved from sin.
Growing up in church, the idea of God was never distant to me. Yet, for years, my family would make the rare occurrence of showing up to church on the ‘big’ days: Christmas, Easter, etc. Which was fine by me, I’d usually just color and hum to the songs.
However, the older I got, the more confused I became about who I really was. Was I really the Christian I said I was? I repeatedly questioned myself, especially entering middle school.
Religion wasn’t a topic for middle school. It wasn’t something that was frequently brought up. Yet, when I was asked “What religion are you?” I’d always respond with this short, assertive phrase: “I’m Christian.”
Looking back, this was unrealistic. You can call yourself Christian, but if you’re not following it, seeking it, or living it, then are we really what we claim to be? Middle school opened doors that I didn’t want to be opened, but most especially the people that I surrounded myself with. I felt like everywhere I looked there was sin. Including myself. I felt embarrassed. Everyone around me was something different, and all I really wanted was to fit in with everyone.
So, the “I’m Christian” response became the easy way out, something I could resort to and call it a day. I didn’t want to be different. So, I nodded along with whatever everyone else was doing, even if it meant not lining up with who I claimed to be.
This way of life was not right—I knew I shouldn’t try to fit in with everyone else.
Everyday, I was trying to fit in and figure out how I could make everyone like me all at once. Unfortunately, this lifestyle made me drift further and further away from who I was supposed to be in Christ.
The Bible says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2), as well as: “A friendship with the world means enmity against God. So, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world, is an enemy against God” (James 4:4).
Not only was the message right in front of my face, but I even knew that what I was doing was wrong. The constant pattern of changing myself for the worse, just to be someone I wasn’t. So even while I claimed to know those verses and to know what God wanted for me, it was unrealistic.
And even now, it’s hard for me to admit that, yes, I do sin still. I’m not perfect, and neither is the next person. The only person who’s really perfect is Christ.
The Bible verse that helped to get this structured in my mind was Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” This verse is basically saying that nobody really compares to the glory of God. So, even if I’m not perfect, it doesn’t really change who I am.
I can be myself. Especially in the comfort of my own knowledge that nobody really is perfect. Christ has saved my life and can save everyone else’s too.
