My love,
I’m writing this letter with spite in my soul. Spite, yearning, and jealousy. Who knows if you will read my letter, I hope you feel the same, I want you to feel the same. I feel spite, spite against the pillow you rest your head on, spite for the home you live in. Why can’t I comfort you the same? Every single grueling hour I need, crave, yearn for you. My throat closes, my eyes get watery. Why did things have to end the way they did? Why did you taint my soul?Why did you poison my skin, trash my taste, ruin everything I’ve become?
Everyday I’m not with you, it feels as if there’s a hole in my chest. My world spins, I’m drowsy, lazy, tired, unmotivated, and everything around me stops. You’re my first thought in the morning, the thing I look forward to, my reason to get up. Whether you’re warm or cold—it doesn’t matter to me; you always provide a source of energy and life in my day. If only you couldn’t hurt me. If only I could get enough of you and not poison myself. If only you didn’t make my heart beat from my chest, maybe then, just then, I could drown myself in your life with no consequences to my actions. I could die happy.
I get butterflies in my chest, my heart races, and I fidget uncontrollably every time I am with you. You make my life so incredibly fulfilled. In your presence I feel more awake, my eyes and smile gleam wide. Not to mention the taste and joy you bring to me makes me feel as if I’ve lived long enough to reach heaven.
I seemingly wait for your return like a lost dog. Since the day I cut you out of my life, I’ve been drained. I’m a shell of a human being without your presence. I don’t think I can resist much longer. If you happen to stumble across me, if our paths cross and our fates intertwine again, I will run back to you. No questions asked. I won’t risk losing everything that makes my existence complete.
Till we meet again, my sweet caffeinated beverage, for I can’t wait until the moment. Always forever, love, Belly.
