can bubly replace ur significant other (Satire)

hint: the answer is yes


Aiden Owen

Michael Bublé bubly.

Alex Olson, Managing Editor

before reading this, u should check out the bubly website. 10/10 would visit again.

many of u may have noticed the bubly machine in the commons, and many of u have bought some bubly. if u did, u may have noticed the cool messages on the tabs, such as “ayyy”, “hi”, and “hey u”. this, along with the catchphrases on the website, can make u wonder: “can these bublé cans replace my gf/bf?”

the answer is yes.

at first ‘phssst’ you and a mango bubly have a better relationship than tom brady and giselle. in about a hot minute you’ll be ‘holding cans’ with a grapefruit bubly while a lime one spews literally everything at you. in a day or so you’ll meet a blackberry bubly at a street corner and find out that you knew each other 5 years ago.

these bublé cans are the embodiment of the anime waifus that everyone definitely wanted. remember tide-pod chan? yeah, that basically.

the reason these emotional cans are better than most relationships is because 1) they’re cans and 2) they are insanely loyal. not only can they not move on their own, but they also cling to the first person they meet, very annoyingly. and believe me, i know. aiden sent me 8 dozen of these mini-bublé cans to write this.

in summary, yes, michael bublé can replace ur significant other.